Life Isn't Letting Up..

I feel like I have been on an invisible rocket ship for the past few weeks; out of intense explant surgery recovery into total darkness, then back into the near-blinding lights of work, social media, relationships.. and a spontaneous trip to Puerto Rico over the weekend, where I ended up at Jake Paul’s boxing match, nervously navigated in my first pool party environment in a very long time, and also ran into a college friend of mine who rather miraculously healed the lower back pain I have been living with daily for the past four years in a 30 minute bodywork session!

Altogether, it has felt like a fantastical dream..

I landed in Austin last night for a good night of rest, but the ride continued to blaze onward, and I found myself transporting a fresh cat poop sample to the vet this morning at 8am with one of my kitties before cold-plunging to kick off a necessary 12 hour work day-- necessary, because I am about to swan dive my freshly reborn sense of self into 9 months of service. 

The winter season was a tremendous crucible of deep inner processes that I am continuing to nurture, and will always be grateful for. But for me, the time has come to get fiercely to work. 

Spring is at my doorstep with special events, a solar eclipse on the horizon, countless birthday parties for people I love, and a cauldron of creativity bubbling away. 

Simultaneously, the world around me is on fire with devastation.

There is so much to show up for, and I can finally say this with sincerity: I am here for it all.

And, in order to show up fully to the moment, I have to do some... marketing.

Cringe.

‘Marketing’ is a pretty uncomfy edge for me that I am actively learning to soften and open up to (I have to give thanks to my fiance Erick for reminding me that “the truth can be an ad”)-- 

So, I am going to lean into this edge of mine and be straightforward: It is my hope for this newsletter to sell enrollment to a program that I truly believe will radically support, heal, & transform the lives of everyone who participates. 

I would love to have some of you join and receive what I am bringing into the world, and there are only 4 days left to enroll. It’s going to be incredibly special, and I know that some of you in my newsletter community are meant to take the final spaces that are still open. 

And, I cherish your presence as a reader of my poetry and personal stories. I promise that I always seek to offer value that stands on its own here, even in the smallest gifts of relating and inspiration. I assure you that I will not start constantly marketing to you here in my sacred Red Letter space- this is simply a special occasion, as time is of the essence! 

Also I am also feeling inspired to explain a bit more about what I am currently doing in Fit For Service, and my experience as a creator at this time. Even if you don’t sign up, I trust you will get some benefit from reading along.  After this week, we will resume our regularly scheduled programming, with some more stories from my healing journey, as well as the usual juicy poetry shares and pearls from the school of life. 

Thank you for this space to share my creations and get out of my comfort zone - I hope you will enjoy!

My Life's Greatest Offering: 

I have spent the past 4 months pouring all of my life experience, deep studies, and designing a program for our brand new Fit For Service community offering: The FFS Academy. 

It’s a terribly difficult, scary and painful time in our world. I struggle “promoting” anything in our current collective climate. There is so much pain I feel I should both bow my head in silent reverence to, and scream about, every day.

But as I have been sitting with my sorrow, fury, and longing for a better world the best way I know that I can currently respond is to pour my passion into two things: 

Step 1) To do the inner work I need to stay well, emotionally, mentally and physically, so I can keep my heart open in hell. The turmoil of the world was the final breaking point into my recent deep dive of total healing; the impetus and the catalyst for the choice to pull away and reset my body as I did, through surgery, study, self care, and darkness retreat. It continues to be a daily work-in-progress that I highly recommend we all try to put at the center of our lives with the inundation of traumatic news and hostile energy we have been, and surely will continue to be, encountering in our inexorable bonds with the virtual world we now find ourselves in.

Step 2) To gather as many resources as I can to share, and to continually improve my integrity and strength as a teacher so I can help as many people as I can reach to do Step 1; because it’s not easy to do alone. 

“Step 2” has many limbs to tend: my social media platform, my relationships, and the creative outlets I have for my voice like this newsletter. 

But my primary and most impactful channel to be of service in this way is in my work in Fit For Service community, where we create events and online programming to support hundreds of people each year in readying themselves to be of service in their own unique ways, with their own unique gifts.

Well over 2000 people have participated in the experience over the past 5 years and I have watched the majority of them begin to serve in their own communities, in extraordinary ways (Step 2). And with sincerity I can say that it has helped every single person we have worked with reap the benefits of Step 1.

I can’t reach as many people as I would love to, but this work creates a ripple effect from the inside of the heart out into the collective, and in spite of the discouraging state of humanity that the news confront me with every day, I still have faith that if we continue, it will make a great difference in time.

So this has been my focus for the past 4 months as we redesigned Fit For Service into the Academy model: to craft a new body of work that I deeply believe can help to heal the root of our cultural suffering.

We did not raise the price, or take away any of the magic. It’s still a great big community of hopeful and inspired humans, and we still gather on beautiful land to move through transformative healing and connection experiences together (the best benefits always happen in-person). 

But we did add something to it from a place of inspiration– 

All five of us coaches have curated unique programs that comprise as much of our dharma and knowledge and experience as we can fit into 13 weeks of classes, to work with small groups in special areas of focus: 'Physically Fit' with Kyle, 'Mentally Fit' with Erick, 'Romantically Fit' with Aubrey & Vylana, 'Financially Fit' with Aubrey (featuring Clay Hebert), and 'Spiritually Fit' with all five of us FFS founding coaches weaving our medicine together.

And of course, there is my program: ‘Emotionally Fit’, which is what I would love most to invite my audience to experience.

Now, “Emotional Fitness” may not sound like the sexiest sounding journey to take for some people! Especially in a culture that is driven by image, status, and the dopamine feedback loop of “likes” for popularity and influence that is determined by the ideals of the status quo. 

We hide our true emotions behind so much armor, even from ourselves, just to survive. 

But survival mode just might be the most deadly invisible epidemic that we are battling as a culture. We must be able to honor, express, and digest our emotions to relieve our bodies of this immense collective weight of fear, anger, and grief that we all share. And we must find ways to continue to attune ourselves to the nourishment of pleasure, bliss, and trust that are too often now so hard to access. 

Collectively, we have never been busier. We have never had more bad news. We have never had more relationships to manage. And the stakes have never been so high for the planet or for humanity itself.

It is an impossible task to move forward with authentic hope and encouragement without good resources for nurturing our inner selves and our emotional realities.

I didn’t ever seek to be a “coach”, or a teacher. 

My calling to work and serve this way seemed to just unfold naturally, through me and my experiences (at times with great resistance), and it wasn’t until now that I understood so deeply why. 

As a teacher, I have always held the role of “the heart” of Fit For Service. So when we designated the various program tracks to each coach, respectively of their gifts, it made perfect sense for me to teach in the ‘Emotionally Fit’ realm. 

In the process of creating the program, I have come to recognize the dharma of my path as a teacher. I write because it is my favorite form of artistry, and writing undoubtedly has a special power to affect the realm of the heart, and its complex orchestra of feelings.

But I realize now that I became a teacher for the same reason that I aspire to write: so that I could help change the stories we carry around feeling, in order to release the guilt and shame we have inherited and stop the misguided violence that has been propagated throughout history as a result of our collective emotional confusion. 

Dismantling the old spells we’ve cast upon our emotional experiences is now the work I want to give my life over to. 

I love this world and I want to help people love to be here, in their own skin, teeming with the brilliant, throbbing truth of experiencing that tells the story of what it means to be alive.

This Spring’s Fit For Service program will be the first space I share what I have to give in this way. It will be a place to process the immensity of our inner worlds, and celebrate them in totality in the arms of a safe community. 

*We will write poetry with our inner dragons. 
*We will learn techniques to regulate our nervous systems on a daily basis.
*We will learn to interpret and express the universal language that all living beings share.
*We will learn how to communicate our truth in ways that bridge connection instead of conflict. 
*We will dance, dress up, and practice what I am calling “depth magic” through psychodrama, active imagination, and parts work. 
*We will begin to relate to our emotional capacities as the divine wonders that they are. 

And then we will bring it all together with our greater community in Montana for 5 days of in-person experiences with Dirtwire performing, as well as breathwork, ecstatic dance, and powerful workshops. 

It’s going to be gorgeous, and I still have space in the Emotionally Fit track this Spring for a few more people. I would love those spaces to be filled with members of my Red Letter community. Especially for this first group, because it will shape the future of my life’s path with this work.

Why invest the money? And why invest it in this?

I know from personal experience: if I try to learn from a book and integrate new practices on my own, the results often don’t take deep roots, or they don’t last.

And I know that the more I invest in something, the more I show up to it. The amount of money that I invest in it is directly equated to the amount of priority, attention, and devotion I will end up giving to the material.

Emotions are the MOST misunderstood and avoided aspects of the human condition. They are often in the blind spot of our ego, and take a lower priority to all of the other values of our independent, success-obsessed culture. 

Investing in a program binds us in devotion to the process, and the container helps hold us accountable to ourselves, while providing a community with shared interests that helps us feel seen and celebrated in our journey. 

Emotional healing and growth cannot happen in solitude. Emotional energy is relational. The integrative process of transforming any information into embodied wisdom happens through active practice. 

For all of these reasons, I know that this container, with this duration of journey with me and our small group of shared interest, along with the in-person FFS summit will have greater lasting benefit for our members than any type of private study, one-on-one coaching work, or even certification. 

The price is $4000, which is the same price it has always been, and is comparable to many stand-alone retreats, but now includes more than ever before. (And we do offer payment plans for up to 12 months!) 

I’ve heard some skepticism about pricing over the years, but our program costs quite a bit to produce at the level we do, and we have never done it for the money. Aubrey created Fit For Service from a place of good will, and has not profited a dollar from it for 3 years. The rest goes to our team’s salaries and the costs of our virtual support and event production. So I really stand by the price in today’s coaching atmosphere as an excellent value.

And whoever you are, I know that this is a sweet spot where, if you invest it, you will get great benefit out of it, because it will matter to you. And that is what I want for my students more than anything else- because in the end, we don’t fix you (there is nothing to fix) and we don’t heal you. You will always be the one who heals yourself.

Special Bonus: Private Ritual Art Design 

All of the greatest expansion points of my life were born through dynamic, creative rituals that I designed according to the needs of the moment. I have baptized myself, rewritten myths, and planted my moon blood in the mountains of Southern France, just to name a few. 

I have never had the time, with my big community work in Fit For Service, to offer 1:1 coaching, and my passion has always been in group facilitation- but the group space is an area that is rather limited for transmitting the breadth of ritual artistry techniques I have applied to my own life. It is uniquely powerful on an individual, personalized level.

So, for anyone from my newsletter community who signs up for the Spring trimester in the next 3 days, I am offering a special bonus: an intimately and intuitively design ritual art experience crafted to support you in your process.

Just email me after you enroll at [email protected] with “Ritual” in the subject line to confirm the session! 

You can register to enroll now at fitforservice.com

Curious what Fit For Service is like? Check out this video from our Montana summit last year:
FFS Montana 2023 with Dirtwire 

Want to know more about the CONTENT in the ‘Emotionally Fit’ program? 

I have created an open document available for previewing HERE: 2024 Spring 'Emotionally Fit' Program Syllabus

Still Have Questions?
- Please scroll down to check out the Fit For Service FAQ on our website at fitforservice.com 
- If you cannot find the information that you need there, reach out to me with any additional questions at [email protected]

If you got this far, thank you for taking the time to learn more about my work. I will offer other ways to work with me, in League of Queens, and other creations to come, in the future! 

With Great Heart as Always, 
Caitlyn